I had come to this gathering with great hope

I had played these games, met these faces

But now a weariness has begun to set in

And I want to return home, far far away.

The burden of expectation wears me down

The constant shattering of hopes pains me.

My old flaws burn like fresh, deep wounds

And a hundred new ones made every day.

I remember those good ol' days of the past,

When the silence of loneliness haunted me.

When this bustling city was a serene village.

When my universe was just my family.

In these moments of distress, I want to run

Back to those days and hide myself there.

Under the soft bedsheet of my childhood

Away from these people, this crowd.

I feel myself sinking into this cesspool,

Unable to raise my feet to walk ahead.

I want to stop resisting this drowning,

Burn out, and stop this numbing pain.

But then, I know I lack the bravado

Of ceasing this heartache once and for all.

I must move ahead, for stillness will kill.

Soldier on, ride these petulant waves.

Not because I want to move on in life,

Not because I see hope, a brighter future.

But because I have no choice, no alternative

Than to pretend as if nothing has happened.

Why must love be trampled upon repeatedly?

I ask myself, as I survey this wreckage.

Why do hundreds of memories fade away,

In a single instance of uncontrollable rage.

I try to look inside, find faults within.

But from the door of my mind I left ajar,

I see others coming in with brutal force

Trying to shift the burden completely on me.

It is this numbing pain, this infinite moment,
This hopelessness that forever seems to last.
Reminds me of a past I thought was bygone
That juncture I thought I had moved past.

Much has changed, however, since that time
My courtiers and my jewels are all gone.
My formidable palace is now a little hut
The kingdom, once green, is now forlorn.

Yet, this unbending pain reeks of familiarity
It is a moment I have experienced before.
When all I could see was darkness ahead
When eyes were shut, hope was dead.

I take solace from the ghosts of the past,
I've overcome this before, can do again.
The journey was tough, will be tough.
The past has made me tougher as well.

They might not understand the travails,
Their sensitivity might have been lost.
But with the head held high, with dignity
I must walk this dreary path - again.