On top of the world I sat that day
The wind whispered into my ears.
A story, an affair, a love, a passion
One that tore, destroyed, set on fire.

I heard, of times of unbridled hope
Of nights spent in tears' arms, of despair.
Of love that wasn't meant to be fulfilled
Of a life that was never meant to be lived.

I heard of sacrifices unheard to this day
Of sights that mankind wasn't meant to see.
Of words of blood, hell, fire and brimstone,
Of a catharsis that shall never repeat.

And then the wind, it suddenly died.
I got up, picked my clothes and came back.
I went there trying to save the world,
Am glad to have simply returned with dignity.

A thread, the thread of life so fine
Snapped in a moment, oh so fast.
It had just been born, this moment
And now lies scattered, scattered.

In this house of broken glasses,
At this time of raging emotions.
Of hope, of despair - of love,
Of a friendship not meant to be.

A heart sank that day, into the sea
Came to save it not one, not one.
From their palaces of worldly peace,
They watched the drama unfold.

Let it be, just let the heart sink
Into an ocean of despair, of hope.
Let self-pity not overpower
Let this house of wax not burn.

This broken mirror, red with rage
The man in it, a stalwart I once knew.
His decaying face betrays the rust
His haughty eyes, the pride bygone.

The swagger of the past now undone,
The wealth of esteem lost in due time.
Remains, in its place, a hollow shell
But the haughty eyes burn so bright!

This pain, like a dose of anesthetic
Rushes through my body, my soul.
It purges me of the sins bygone,
It gives me strength for future battles.

It is, at once, an unmatched uniter
And the greatest divisive agent.
It is, at once, the beacon of love
And the war cry of blind hatred.

This pain, the story of my life.
This pain, the sorrow of my days.
This pain, the succor of my nights.
To this pain, I surrender, surrender.

In wait of the eternal union with you,
I wander these ephemeral shiny streets.
Your one word, a hundred roses bloom.
Your one sight, lifts this heavy gloom.

You are mine, and yet not part of me.
This world's traveller, our paths differ.
When will you leave this material world
When will my wait for union end?

Till then, these streets I shall roam.
Like a dark, brooding specter I walk.
Till the five rivers of love, they converge
I shall be dead, I shall be dead.

The dead leaf, an anguished yellow
Floats with the tide to a future unknown.
The veins are visibly tired and beaten,
The giant river's currents overbearing.

There it is, bobbing from below the water
At death's door, one last gasp at life.
A horde of other such dead leaves follows
All dead, all being rushed to a watery grave.

Till one day, the sun shone brightly
And washed ashore the bank it was.
At the foot of a giant green tree,
The leaf now lay for one last tryst.

One last tryst with life, with joy
One last dance between life and death.
One last night, perhaps, of revelry
One last moment of love, of companionship.

The crowd, so powerful and boisterous
They shouted for him to match their steps.
They wanted him to join the revelry,
To adopt their emblem as his.

At first he resisted, but they were many
He was dragged, disrobed and gowned.
With blood his previous self was washed
There he was, finally, one of them.

His feet are slow, dead and tired
The smile sits heavy, almost gone.
Years of being an emotional punching bag,
Now shows finally on his frail bones.

His beard, white with the emptiness
Of broken hopes and unkept promises.
His walking stick is thin and frail
Hammered by years of false accusations.

He can't speak, he can't clarify.
Not even one receptive ear has been born.
The lips are sealed in a silent prayer
For the best, for everyone who hurt him.

There has to be an escape, a route
At the end of which lies final freedom.
Let him not be a football for others,
Let him care, at last, about himself.

To hold back, with sheer force.
To wear those masks at all times.
To swallow, with eyes shut tight
To swim in tides of self-pity.

One day the dam will break.
The collective fury unleashed.
The emotions, so long withheld
Will then create destruction.

So, don't pull it back today
Don't keep it under the lid.
Let it flow, in smaller bouts
Let it not mature unwatched.

Flow, like the furious river.
Run, like the careless wind.
Dive, like the bird in flight.
Cry, like the dew on the grass.

Live, like the last day of life.
Die, like the peace of the night.
Hate, like an eternal flare.
Love, like the mother's care.

Sing, like nobody's here.
Dance, like you don't care.
Talk, to the silent day.
Walk, when they all say nay.

There is motion, but no life.

There's a rainbow, but no colour.

But on the threshold of a new future,

Here I stand - waiting, wanting.

Here is all I desired, envied.

Here's something they all want.

But with a handful of dreams,

Here I stand - waiting, wanting.

What is there to life but You?

Who am I but Your shadow?

As your image flashes before me,

Here I stand - waiting, wanting.

These chains - the story of my present.

They bind me; make the heart bleed.

They dig deep into the skin; they hurt.

The blood flows in a teary stream.

These chains - the story of my future.

They scare me; make me step back.

They make me turn back, and cry

make me stare into the void; blank.

As the days wore on in drudgery,

As the sound faded and died out.

As the spirit got soaked out,

The dark brought an eerie calm.

There were no questions asked,

No promises made, no warning.

The giant sweeping hand of time,

Swept him, forever, away from home.

Till the river of tears dries,

Till the fire of the sun stops.

Till there are beats in my heart

Till then I'll continue to love.

Storms and thunder - let them come;

We'll play with them till they tire.

Gods and fanatics - let them frown

We'll laugh at them till they smile.

There will be days when land will burn

When the mornings will lose their blues.

But as long as I have you by my side

My life will blossom in all its hues.

Wings cut, feet tied and eyes shut

Baggage from the past; life in a rut.

A very faint voice, somewhere within

Looks for an escape from the dungeon.

A land of colour and joy it envisions

There is pain even as time might fly.

The dark black replaced by love's red

This endless sea of hope, it will never die.

When the night is darkest, awaken.

When the silence is pervasive, sing.

When the crowds are gone, lead.

When the heart is broken, love.

The heart might never heal, so be it.

Let us make a new heart, a new world.

Words that shattered hope of the past,

Let them not colour the future black.

Let a thousand flowers bloom; the power!

Let the cold chains not hold you back.

Set your heart and mind free from gloom,

Especially when the heart is broken, love!

The water, gushing down with fury

Around corners, smashing the rocks

A war cry resonates in the silence

An uncontrollable anger flowing free.

And then it all stops - silence perfect

The pond sits pretty at the bottom.

Past a dream lived in unending strife

The future not known, peace prevails.

When the clouds of despair rise again,

When friendships are efforts in vain.

Darkness engulfs the end of the tunnel

Then, raise your feet and walk alone!

The darkness is enticing and serene,

The peace of death a wonder unseen.

Yet, in service of the journey thus far

Lift your head high, and walk alone!

Unending trials, they come they go

In such fierce waters one must row.

Destiny's child, your watery eyes

Wipe the tears, and walk alone!

Every stab taken at the heart,

Meets an end; a befitting reply.

The endless cycle of divine justice

Inspiration, at times, does supply.

To love all, to not harbor hate

To not judge, yet support evenly

To cherish, and never to regret

Through this catharsis, I now pass.

We have loved profusely, and lost

And yet we must rise to love again.

Some will dither, for pain awaits

Through God's path, I now pass.

The sky is clear this silent night
Wind mellow; moon shining bright.
Infantile mind in state of rest
Oblivious to life's impending test.

Ignorance, or a matter of choice?
Perhaps a brief moment to rejoice?
In the midst of a relentless battle
Time to engage in mindless prattle.

The pain, like an unmoving puddle
Sticks to life, sapping on its energy.
Several miles since it was last felt
Yet stays; a backstabbing companion.

How can two be carried - me and the pain?
The boots feel heavy; the body weary.
I must say goodbye to my old friend
To move ahead, into the land of the free.

A part has moved to the heights of joy

A part stays there in the 4D space.

The fourth dimension of pain and suffering

With me, for eternity, that pain stays.

I still go back and visit that moment

The lines etched on my body forever.

The blood did dry, but I didn't escape
That betrayal leaves my body never.

For the few times that I dream of escaping

There are people to bring me right there.

Because they know nothing else will hurt

The only red spot in an oft broken heart.

The disappointment, dragging its heavy feet,
As it wades through years of sinful thought.
The arrogance sticks; makes motion difficult
As the feet sink deep into the thoughtlessness.

We grow up, and then we stop growing
Our world seems right; their always wrong.
Is it disillusionment or superciliousness,
That keeps us sinking in unchanging stupor.

How can we ever stop growing as men?
How can the intellect stand still and gloat?
Might we not as well wilt and die?
Or wait, has the process already begun?

Hope. Hope. Hope. What exactly do I hope for?
That people won't change and they will all be good?
That something will happen and misery will end?
Or that my solitary voice will one day be understood?

Not people. They, thankfully, change and evolve.
Not circumstances. Their change brings excitement.
Not misery. They make me appreciate the joy.
The hope is for for a better, stronger me.

Win some, only to lose some
The half-filled glass of antiquity.
The dejection, the joy that follows
The two sides of the gambler's coin.

Like a swing in perennial motion
Accelerates, decelerates and stops.
Nobody has a grasp, nobody ever will
On the uncertainty we call life.

To make joy while the sun shines,
To be content, yet always desirous.
Somewhere in the middle my path lies
If only it could be clearly seen.

The winds have stopped being breezy
The chirrup of the birds long gone.
I walk alone, into the quiet sunset
As if we had never met.

The memories still hang on inside me
But like inanimate objects of remorse
The life is gone, forever, out of them
As if we had never met.

The cold is biting; words frozen
On this white, uninteresting landscape
The sun hidden by brooding clouds
The river silent like a deathly druid.

The near horizon equally silent
Voices from the past in perennial echo.
Yet the spirit within, it strengthens it grows
Over time, to finally wilt and die.

How I wish the shadow would go
A companion through sun and rain.
Yet dark and brooding; silently howling
Like a constant screeching sound, jarring.

How I wish it would tear apart
Chart its own destiny, it's own path.
Perhaps meet its new master someday
How I wish the shadow just goes away.

When it goes, the days shall be lonely.
The sound gone; silence will explode.
The explosion might kill; so be it.
For the shadow will kill anyway.

You've grown up, but still a child
Cradled in destiny's iron hands
Twisted, agonized by tumultuous time
Amazed, silenced by the great unknown.

The highest peak you reach
Is still dwarfed by history's greatness;
Is still insufficient to satiate the future
Is still just not enough for the present.

You've come far, but still a child
Crying yourself to sleep every night.
Still in a dreamy world, sleepless;
You still know nothing. It's empty.

The constant chipping sound I always hear
Long-held friendships in permanent decay.
With certainty, like the swinging pendulum
Every day becomes a lesson in drudgery.

You wonder where the dead end lies
When perhaps finally a break will appear.
But this togetherness of joy and pain
Will never break, never.

The path of truth, so full of undeserved pain.

Innocuous sacrifices become efforts in vain.

To be labelled and to have judgments passed

Has become my present; a gift from the past.

There was always something to gain, and to lose

Some to please; some whose paths were crossed.

Every pain, joy and judgement that came my way

Has become part of me; a gift from my past.

This solitude, my ever-faithful companion
Like a shadow, covering any painful trail.
My beacon in the maddening crowd
My flame in the dark moments abound.

This solitude, my leash on the wild path
Like a handcuff, chaining me in its wake.
My dark secret in the day's bright light
My music in the dance on life's edge.

This path of sacrifice is a path of fire
The feet burn, the soul is tormented.
The conscience fuels the stoicism, but
Is a redemption worth it in sight, in sight?

Shouting is the easiest way out of it,
The trail of blood not too far behind.
What makes a man a man, however,
Is to keep the pain, and die within, within.

You bring colour to every sundry moment

Like the sun, you remove the darkness of life.

The love sustains me from one day to another

It intoxicates me, makes me forget the strife.

Maybe I will falter, maybe I'll be bruised

Yet, only with this hope can I stay alive.

The unending hope to live, the hope to die,

The hope for the joy that my heart yearns for.

The disgruntled mirror brought before me

A decaying reflection of self I chose to ignore.

These outward-looking eyes were wide shut

When the several ills within me came fore.

The fiery passion overwhelmed these ills

But they grew like a malignant cancer inside.

Eating away at my humanistic core, day by day

Now, the disgruntled mirror brought them fore.

The blood drips again, rushing through

The pool of sorrow awaits every drop.

The sweet melody of life is now lost

The gong of death tolls - silence follows.

The prisoner's life goes on and on

The drudgery like steely chains, binding.

This pain, and the blood, will only stop

When the breath, forever, says goodbye.

That strange feeling, the happy-sad one

The one that feels so close, yet so damn far.

Where one moment you can feel it in the palm

And the next, you see it fly away into the sunset.

This strange feeling, this smile-tear one

Where one moment the world is full of roses.

Yet when noon moves to serene dusk to night

None knows, and none will - this strange feeling.

Hope appears on the horizon far away

My heart leaps, my feet are bound.

I don't know if this new joy will last

Which after much penance I have found.

I hope God is merciful this time

I hope I never again see this strife.

For another crushing disappointment

Might forever extinguish the flame of life.

Every time I decide not to speak again

I cannot; for the fear grows louder.

Every time I decide not to desire again

I cannot; the heart becomes restless.

Every time the deafening silence rises

I speak; has the heart ever been conquered?

Every time the past flashes before me

I desire; those moments I seek again.

When the tears have dried, and the mind is numb.

When the world is destroyed, only to be resurrected.

When hope flickers, yet the drab darkness dissipates

Into such a world, one of weary hope, I now enter.

The battle between mind and heart will continue

Perhaps the ghosts of the wars past will not die.

Hope will probably flutter like a caged bird

Awaiting its fate; the eternal dance of life and death.

The more the blood rushes out

The less this pain is biting.

It settles in a frigid pool of red

Becomes a morbidity inviting.

The senses stop feeling anything

The mind stops its unending walk.

Every object feels far, far away

And the lashing tongue can't talk.

This erupting blood is on you, my friend.

As much as I can cry to make amends.

This broken heart doesn't heed reason

Of rationality this is the greatest treason.

But look not here, I urge your judgement

Infinite pain is this story's only ending.

On the path of blood and toil I walk now

For this my determination is unbending.

My little hut burns silently in the night.

Engulfed by flames that tower above.

Those who could help now stand away

And look at this desecration of love.

Of unending pain, this pill I will swallow.

So that you can carry on that smile.

Left, right or center doesn't quite matter

So you can stay away from this fire by a mile.

No room for the words that ring hollow

No space for the promises so shallow.

Dimensions of the pain, always unknown

Grew continually with me as I have grown.

If only the heart would sit and think

Maybe the pain would pass in a blink.

But the pained heart, forever restless

Is getting used to this drab emptiness.

In doing this, however, you are not alone

'Lovers' who came before had a heart of stone.

The castles of success that they now build,

Will one day vanish at the first gaze of wind.

Now, don't say that I count and show.

Because even on life's path as you grow

Remember my blood that oozed everyday

And lies ahead of you on your new way.

Your new beginnings, they come they go.
Like a childish river in eternal flow.
Of the recent past a long story I had.

Won't tell all, so you could be glad.

Never knew you felt so suppressed.

Your not telling, now leaves me depressed.

I refuse too, to wash the dirty laundry stack

I don't just move on, I still watch your back.

The velvet gloves are now removed,

Unforgiving hell's fury back in full force.

The venom, long forgotten and discarded

Now flows blue along the veins' course.

Every hardship will now be destroyed

Every friendship put to a steely test.

On this untested path of fiery revenge

He is ready to walk alone from the rest.

The dark, thundering clouds gather again,
Over the ravaged country that slowly heals.

The tentative green covering the ruins past

Having not recovered, in reverence it kneels.

The ghosts of battles past, both won and lost

Ravage the war-scarred barren countryside.

Men have come and men have withered away

The struggle stays; over men's minds it presides.

This dogged silence is still tentatively balanced

Between the realms of solitude and loneliness.

Its quietude is still not a silent roar of a mind

Inching towards a forlorn man's helplessness.

But it is at such times, the noise beeped out

That his true self tends to show itself to man.

When tectonic shifts change a man's conscience

When he becomes a victor from an also-ran.

Even as my house burns away,
I don't cry out for your help.
Because you are too dear to me

And I don't want you to burn.

Houses build of secure wax,

Now lying in a molten white rot.

I will take this heat, my friend

Because I don't want you to burn.

The warm words have worn off so easily,
The gloss of joy has now been removed.
Cold winter has dawned upon us both
Gone is the music to which we grooved.

We suffer because we don't converse,
Because we don't meet and share smiles.
But you should know that I'll be there
Whenever you have to travel harsh miles.

Today, this fateful night, I stand alone

As waves play peacefully on the river.

The wounds of battles past do heal

On this bitter-sweet night I shiver.

I see behind the clothes I left behind

I peeled them harshly off my skin.

No matter how much the pain seemed

I left behind the maddening din.

Who was once a part of me I loved

More than my own earthly existence,

Is tonight a distant memory blurred

Despite my heart's constant resistance.

The words are as harsh as always

Never the ones I sought and gave.

Never did the wagging tongues stop

Never did come the warm embrace.

But the pillars of strength did stand

The healers were out in full strength.

Every blow was matched by a blow

A blow of love that goes any length.

In this last lap of the last chapter

My body waddles through the sand.

Tonight, on this fateful night, I say

Accept, of peace, this solitary hand.

The neat and organised, soon will fall.

When the whiff of adventure wafts

Through the air like revived passion

And when the kid gloves come off.

There will be some blood and some gore

The old heroes shall either faint or die.

New monsters will be born in the minds

And present peace will seem like a lie.