I wish I could hold on forever

To this moment, this beautiful one. 

I wish this song would keep playing

Hope this melody never echoes empty. 

But this too shall pass, like all else

This me, here today, will die soon. 

This fleeting nature will wear me out 

My memories, my joys, my sorrows. 

For this fleeting moment, let me cheer

To life, to rebirth and to rejuvenation.

Maybe plant a little sapling today 

That may give shade to my future self. 

Neither time not distance, it seems 

Can keep my thoughts chained. 

Like a gushing stream of pristine water, 

The memories makes their presence felt.

Blatant, like an unforgettable image;

And even when the eyes may be closed

The sound of water hitting the rocks 

Takes me back to a tumultuous time. 

These voices will never go away, fade 

Hence I must buy my peace with them.

Live a life so beautiful, a daring adventure

That the sounds unite in a singular melody.

This separation, this walk through wilderness
It may be making me sad, tearing my soul.
But somewhere deep within me, a voice says
That this is the best path, for you and for me.

For I fear that the baggage of my past,
Is too heavy even for the both of us to carry.
I fear that I may make you unhappy,
Unless I get rid of this baggage of the past.

I fear that coming close to you too soon
May make me reckless, restless, blind
Like a gushing river meeting a brick wall
I may break; my broken heart can't afford.

Even as the darkness of my past returns
I am determined to not let it defeat me.
For the dream my eyes see, my heart lives
The dream where we are together, happy.

Sometimes, in this long dark walk alone
I look for your hand; wait for your voice
My heart sinks when there is none,
And I stop for a while to let the tears dry.

But then I pick myself up and trudge along
Towards that uncertain future, that date
It is only hope that keeps me going now
A hope, I hope, that you share with me.

Welcome home, my long lost friend.
It feels awkward, this reunion.
I had forgotten your touch, your feel.
And yet something intense now burns within.

The haunting memory of the past, perhaps?
Of how we fell from grace, together
And how our ways parted since,
Till I had almost forgotten that you existed.

But now you stand here before me,
A grim reminder of my follies,
And I do not know what to do,
How to lessen this heartburn you cause.

I cannot let you enter my house,
Lest it ignite this delicate balance,
I must confront you, ask you to leave
Because this moment is too precious to miss.

I like it here, this new start
For the blood of the past
No longer colours my present.
A fresh paint adorns the walls.

I like it here, this new day
For there is a new sun, a new breeze
The dreams of the future rest in peace
While the present dances to a new tune.

I like it here, this strange place
Because it evokes no feeling,
Neither intense love nor brooding hatred,
It feels like a new canvas; a new life.

The relentless sea on my land
Washing every trace of change.
Every mound I had built,
Systematically obliterated.

I return to that primeval state,
Where nothing exists, nothing will.
Where things remain the same,
Where change is unheard of.

I return to that nothingness,
My partner of ages before.
the fuel to the fire of my life,
This emptiness I now return to.

Every mountain isn't yours to climb,
Every emotion not yours to be felt,
Every dream not yours to be lived,
Every love not yours to be enjoyed.

This little world of yours, my friend
That is all you take from this here.
The paraphernalia you will leave behind,
Maybe for another weary traveller to rejoice.

These moist eyes will soon dry up,
This melancholy song will cease too.
This love will die an uninteresting death,
The embers will burn bright before fading away.

I can't try to be someone I ain't.

Well, I most certainly can try

But it will lead me nowhere.

Defeat and sadness, perhaps?

But what do I do when I hate

What I have come to be?

What when these feet don't rise

To walk the miles left before me.

What when I just wish I could

Make amends in the past I lived,

But I just do not have energy

To go back and live it again.

Well, at least I now know,

What brings me a smile.

Maybe the future holds a new

Treasure that'll free my soul.

This desire overpowers my senses, my being
Like momentary rain which leaves me unsatisfied
For the dreams that I spun in this interlude,
Will haunt me, taunt me in the near future.

My otherwise perfect life, fulfilled dreams
Now seem so incomplete without you.
These customs, these chores; all now seem
So fake, so transitory without you.

But then I close my eyes, look at this
In the context of this universe, this infinite space
And everything, you included, means nothing
Not even the tiniest of 'moments' in time.

I have assured myself thus
That nothing, you included, matters.
Why is it, then, that a part of me still asks
'What if' it had worked out; what if.

In search of that what is elusive,
In hope to fulfill the childhood dreams.
In the race to be ahead in every way,
I have lost what brought me this far.

It was not the greed I now have,
Or the jealousy that  erupts in my heart.
Neither the distaste for mistakes past,
Nor the desire to live up to a name.

But it was humility towards life,
To the dreams that I spun at night.
To the simplicity of the life I lived,
And the singularity of the task at hand.

I had come to this gathering with great hope

I had played these games, met these faces

But now a weariness has begun to set in

And I want to return home, far far away.

The burden of expectation wears me down

The constant shattering of hopes pains me.

My old flaws burn like fresh, deep wounds

And a hundred new ones made every day.

I remember those good ol' days of the past,

When the silence of loneliness haunted me.

When this bustling city was a serene village.

When my universe was just my family.

In these moments of distress, I want to run

Back to those days and hide myself there.

Under the soft bedsheet of my childhood

Away from these people, this crowd.

I feel myself sinking into this cesspool,

Unable to raise my feet to walk ahead.

I want to stop resisting this drowning,

Burn out, and stop this numbing pain.

But then, I know I lack the bravado

Of ceasing this heartache once and for all.

I must move ahead, for stillness will kill.

Soldier on, ride these petulant waves.

Not because I want to move on in life,

Not because I see hope, a brighter future.

But because I have no choice, no alternative

Than to pretend as if nothing has happened.

Why must love be trampled upon repeatedly?

I ask myself, as I survey this wreckage.

Why do hundreds of memories fade away,

In a single instance of uncontrollable rage.

I try to look inside, find faults within.

But from the door of my mind I left ajar,

I see others coming in with brutal force

Trying to shift the burden completely on me.

It is this numbing pain, this infinite moment,
This hopelessness that forever seems to last.
Reminds me of a past I thought was bygone
That juncture I thought I had moved past.

Much has changed, however, since that time
My courtiers and my jewels are all gone.
My formidable palace is now a little hut
The kingdom, once green, is now forlorn.

Yet, this unbending pain reeks of familiarity
It is a moment I have experienced before.
When all I could see was darkness ahead
When eyes were shut, hope was dead.

I take solace from the ghosts of the past,
I've overcome this before, can do again.
The journey was tough, will be tough.
The past has made me tougher as well.

They might not understand the travails,
Their sensitivity might have been lost.
But with the head held high, with dignity
I must walk this dreary path - again.